so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
