my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
