'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
