Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize