yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
