I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
