yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
