He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
