Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
