And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
