is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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