I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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