from now on my penis is your penis
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
