Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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