Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
People in love make me want to vomit
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
