to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
