well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize