dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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