I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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