Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
