I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we're making bets on your personal life
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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