This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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