Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
