OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
