I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
