i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
