youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
