I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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