i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
