if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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