Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
