It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
