I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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