someone threw a dead crab at me
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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