Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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