Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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