someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize