the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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