Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
