he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
