I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
