In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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