erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
