Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
