Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize