I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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