Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
