I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
