I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
