he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
