do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
