i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
