i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
