the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
