im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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