how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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