It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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