My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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