The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
