K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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