Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
