Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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