Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just blew my weed a kiss
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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