I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
