I wanna passion pit in your ass
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
