Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
