sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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