i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
should my penis look like a turkey
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
