nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
