They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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