I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
