If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
should my penis look like a turkey
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
