It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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