Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
