Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He told me they were just razor bumps!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
