i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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