god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
