Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
