90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
